Posts Tagged ‘Sausage’

Click this link to read a fun article called Stop Sausaging Around from See! Travel Mag.

I love the little story I have highlighted above, because it is all about sausages. In this case, German sausages, specifically. Go read that article then come back here 🙂

Sausage maker

You put the smergle in the kefuptnik, hit the guntraager button, unt out comes the wassenwitchit in one long line. Yumbo.

I love sausages so much I recently spent $250 on a genuine sausage maker.

I even bought proper pig’s intestine to form the casing of the sausages, not that horrid plastic stuff that commercial sausage makers make.

Then I went and sourced superb pork belly from the best butcher in Melbourne, and added in all the spices I wanted, following the recipes I had downloaded from the internet to the letter.

Mein Gott In Himmel! Do you guys have ANY idea how bad sausages are for us? They are little tubular fat and cholesterol BOMBS!

I ate them with one finger on my pulse, anxiously checking to ensure the pump was still beating. And that was the only time I made sausages. I will do so again, but I am letting my system adjust. I think it will be safe to eat another sausage in about, oh, say three months? I have even reduced my supermarket trawl for them, which could often lead to me eating sausages every day for a week. (And never getting bored.)

The home-made heart-stoppers were bloody delicious, mind you.

Actually, reading back, I think the only thing I can say is “Don’t play the sore liver sausage”  you wuss. Hang the risk, get sausage making again. Hmmmm. Tempting.

Anyhow, how brilliant is it to have a culture like the Dear Old Deutsch where sausages are so prevalent they even have sayings about them?

Actually, there’s an Aussie saying called “Sink The Sausage”  come to think of it. Not to mention “Hide the Baby Salami”.

English: Sausages, seen in Covered Market, Oxford.

Sausages, seen in Covered Market, Oxford. (Wikipedia)

They mean about the same thing. I’m sure you can work it out.

And now I’ve included them in this article, you can guarantee my story on sausages won’t get Freshly Pressed. Hey ho.

By the way, NEVER prick sausages to release the fat.*shakes in horror*

Defeats the whole purpose of making them. The trick to the puuuurfect sausage is to cook it slowly, turning constantly, over a low heat, until it is thoroughly cooked through and gently browned. Never pierce it with a fork or knife tip. Apart from losing lots of lusciousness, red hot pork fat in the eye hurts.

OK – I want to know YOUR favourite sausage, Dear Reader. Lincolnshire? Cumberland? Chicken with Chives? Duck with orange and sage? Italian? Or your favourite really silly sausage story. Or your best home-made sausage recipe – and if it’s good, I promise I will make a batch and post photos.

Yes, I think I will make some more sausages. Life’s too short. If I suddenly stop posting, you’ll know I have had a coronary, and life got even shorter. F*** it, eh?

Many, many moons ago, my mother’s family, on my grandmother’s side, (and we are talking about years with an 18 in front of them – imagine! People I actually knew!) hailed from Lincolnshire. From a town called Boston, to be precise. And today, one of my closest friends is from that country, entirely coincidentally.

So when Simon sent me news of this wonderful story, it was always going to end up in the blog.

Louth. Which for one glorious summers day, was not very couth. See what I did there?

For some time, the banger-munching burghers of Lincolnshire have been petitioning the European Community to have their famous Lincolnshire sausages declared a special species of snag – much as champagne can now only come from the actual area called Champagne in France, and so on, otherwise it must be called “Sparkling wine”.

And very wonderful they are too.

Sadly, the EC turned the Lincolshire-ites down, which given the EC is happy to regulate just about everything that happens within its borders without fear or favour seems slightly unfair. But undaunted, one local Mayoress nevertheless decided to dress up as a sausage when the Olympic torch rolled through town, to keep up the fight to publicise the wonderful local porky offering.

Never mind that sausages are commonly, in rough and ready yokel language, often used as a cipher for the male appendage. Never mind that the outfit she chose, (see below), looked uncommonly like, well, see for yourself.

It’s a, er, sausage. Honest, guv.

Louth Mayor Cllr Makinson-Sanders, for it is she, and her alter ego, the “happy sausage of Lincolnshire”.

Anyhow, the Mayor of Louth has made national headlines after an Olympic Torch Relay stunt – with many people saying her novelty sausage costume was mistaken for – OK, let’s say it – a penis.

As “This is Linconshire”  reports (whose server must surely have melted down overnight) Bill Nicholson, from Kidgate, wrote to every town councillor objecting and demanded that the mayoress be stopped.

He said: “The council chamber must put a stop to this embarrassment and restore some dignity to the people of Louth who do not want the local Olympic event hijacked for commercial reasons.

“To insult the whole spirit of the Olympic movement and the modest people who have carried the Torch is not in Louth’s interest.”

Despite this plea,  Makinson-Sanders secured the ‘phallic’ costume and stunned many residents in the Lincolnshire town who branded it ‘obscene’.

Mum-of-two Sandra Ellington, 38, said: “She probably thought she was being quite fun and quirky – but it backfired a little bit.

“People couldn’t take their eyes off her because it looks so rude. Her outfit certainly gained a few titters among the crowd.”

Comments on Wednesday’s story on This is Lincolnshire included: “The costume makes her look like a gentleman’s appendage,” and “she is clearly deluded if she thinks that costume looks anything like a sausage.”

Councillor Makinson-Sanders defended her actions, claiming that Louth Town Council had not been officially invited to have anything to do with the Olympic Torch or to meet the Torch and welcome it into the town.

“I was not attending in my capacity as mayor. I serve the town as mayor but only when invited to do so,” she said.

Some local residents have defended the mayoress – even praising her for being bold and imaginative initiative.

Patrick Neville, chairman of Louth Food and Drink group on Louth Town Partnership said: “She is doing what Louth richly deserves – getting us recognised as a food town of excellence. Rather than complain, these people should welcome the Mayor’s actions.”

Another commenter on this website added: “I think it is wonderful that people in higher places can prove that they are human. What a load of miserable so-and-so’s and total snobs we have. I think that she’s doing more for the Lincolnshire sausage than a bunch of Mayor’s chains could do.”

Some of the positive comments on the website really were delightful.

“Dress up like a sausage? Wrong or right, the girl’s got balls.” opined bwvixen.

Referring to a badge at the top of the story, opinionhated asked “Is the “trusted source” Brown or Tomato?”

smorrisey was clearly thinking things through. “I think the problem was that it was pink – maybe if they’d made it brown… oh, hang on!”

And the story duly reached the national press, undoubtedly the first time Louth ever has …

The British are wonderfully obsessed with body parts and smut. Frankly, the only thing the story is missing is a good fart joke or two. Anyway, I think it’s a lovely story, and on balance, I come down on the side of the brave Lady Mayoress. And you know what? If you disagree, well, frankly I think you’re being a bit of a, well, you know.

Titters.

Anyway, back to global warming, gay rights, Syria, and the Republican Party tomorrow. Not all in the same story, we trust.

And by the way, if all this has whetted your desire to put some sausage in your mouth, you’ll need this.


Lincolnshire Style Sausage, 2 Kg mix

1Kg Pork Shoulder
500g Pork Belly
270g Water (Chilled)
180g Rusk / Breadcrumb
50g Seasoning

Lincolnshire Sausage Seasoning

50g Salt
5g White Pepper
5g Black Pepper
5g Nutmeg
2g Mace
3g Ginger
1g Allspice
15g Dried sage
14g Corn flour
Mix all the above together until even in colour.

Preparation

1. Chill all meats well, 2 – 3 Hours
2. Chill the water in the refrigerator
3. Dice meats to fit the Mincer Throat – oo-er, missus – and return to refrigerator until ready to start
4. Weigh up the seasoning as above & weigh out the 50gm required
(Keep the rest in a screw top jar)
5. Weight up rusk or bread crumb – put to one side
6. Mince the meats through the blade of your choice (Course or fine)
7. Add meats to the bowl & fit onto the mixer with the K beater
8. Start the mixer on slow speed and add the seasoning
9. Add the chilled water and continue mixing on slow for the water to absorb this should take no more than 20 seconds.
10. Turn the mixer up to speed 4 and mix vigorously until the meat mixture looks sticky, again about 30 – 40 seconds.
(This is releasing myosin: the protein that sticks the sausage together & gives texture, rather like the gluten in bread.)
11. Add rusk or bread crumb & mix well in
12. If the mixture is wet or soft let it stand for a few minutes for the rusk/breadcrumb to re-hydrate.
13. Fill into suitable casings.
14. Allow to stand overnight to Bloom (Flavour Development).

By the way, do not – ever – prick sausages before eating. (Pun intended.) Seriously. Cook over a low heat until gently browned on all sides, thus containing the lovely juicy fat inside the casing.

You have been told.