Posts Tagged ‘McDonalds’

"You know what, Jean? it's just ... just ... something's nagging at me ..."

“You know what, Jean? It’s just … just … something’s nagging at me …”

At the Wellthisiswhatithink coalface we are in a very generous mood today. It’s been a wonderful weekend, and we return to the keyboard full of the joys of Spring, and pleased to report that the little pump in the newly installed goldfish pond is working, thanks to the loving care and persistence of Mrs Wellthisiswhatithink when yours truly was more than happy to chuck the damn thing in the bin. Little tea lights now hang in the cherry tree over the new pond, and all the wonderful dark purple petunias have taken. It looks like a good crop of apricots this year too, thanks to excellent rain.

In short, all is good in the Wellthisiswhatithink paddock.

So, wiping out Lord knows how many future posts with complete abandon, we are chucking caution to the winds and are going to give you a whole bunch of advertising and layout F*** Ups, just to start the week off right.

We can’t believe how they just keep on coming. And thank you so much, Simon, for these.

Always remember, Dear Reader, all donations gratefully received.

Meanwhile, publishers, try and get your sub editors, journalists and advertising departments to talk to each other, you lazy buggers.

On the other hand, thanks for the laughs.

 

I've always had my suspicions about Winnie. Far too bloody nice,

I’ve always had my suspicions about Winnie. Far too bloody nice.

 

We are reasonably sure one was involved at some point, but do you have to rub it in. So to speak?

We are reasonably sure one was involved at some point, but do you have to rub it in. So to speak? No-one saw this? Really? Sheesh.

 

Or this? Poor girl. Her mother will be delighted.

Or this? Poor girl. Her mother will be delighted.

 

Memo to Russian newspaper. You have to put the photos in, not just the placeholders. Wonderful stuff, new technology, eh, Boris?

Memo to Russian newspaper. You have to put the photos in, not just the placeholders. Wonderful stuff, new technology, eh, Boris?

 

The dangers of asking your idiot ad agency for "web ready copy".

The dangers of asking your idiot ad agency for “web ready copy”.

 

She's very tolerant, obviously. How to take the gloss off a Royal Wedding.

She’s very tolerant, obviously. How to take the gloss off a Royal Wedding.

 

Hooray! Duck!

Hooray! And, er. Duck!

 

Yes, well. What else could one say?

Yes, well. What else could one say?

 

Sometimes, you even have to worry about how the article will stack in the dispense box.

Sometimes, you even have to worry about how the article will stack in the dispenser box.

 

We finish with our two favourites. This magnificent cover fail reveals, when read carefully, the importance of those little things like commas.

We finish with our two favourites. This magnificent cover fail reveals, when read carefully, the importance of those little things like commas. Little wonder Rachael looks so healthy with such a diverse diet. We think “Tails” magazine should be renamed “Fails”.

 

And last but not least, the power of the Leading Cap. I think you can discern the sub editor's view of these departing journos quite clearly.

And last but not least, the power of the Leading Cap. I think you can discern the sub editor’s view of these departing journos quite clearly.

 

More soon. Meanwhile, which is your favourite of this crop?

If you want to check out the whole history of the F*** Ups, try these:

The other F*** Ups we’ve spotted, if you missed ’em.

Where words fail. Entirely. And wonderfully: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-H7

Naughty schoolgirls celebrated by Headmistress: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-zy

The world’s stupidest billboard placement: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-gX

Not the holiday anyone would really want: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-hJ

Two for the price of one: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-13P

Stores abusing innocent shoppers: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-j8

The most embarrassingly badly worded headline in history: http://tinyurl.com/7enukvd

Oh, those crazy whacky country McDonalds eaters: http://tinyurl.com/83vgpng

And a burger we think we KNOW you’re not going to want to eat. http://wp.me/p1LY0z-14r

The amazingly handy father: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-vM

When Boy Scouts go bad: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-1lC

What you really didn’t need to know about your chef: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-1Co

Enjoy! Please feel free to share.

I think I need a pork and Nazi curry for dinner tonight.

I think I need a pork and Nazi curry for dinner tonight.

1. There’s just no point telling someone with whose political beliefs you disagree in a bunch of places in Southern Africa that they’re a Nazi.

In Swahili, it means “coconut”.

2. Never get in the water without checking for vending machines first.

You are four times as likely to be killed in the US by a vending machine than a shark. Vending machines kill 2.18 people compared to .6 of a person, per annum.

So the movie should have been called “Drawers” not “Jaws”, we guess.

3. A “tittle” isn’t a rude word, much as we like the word “tit” on this blog. (Use the search box and see why.) A tittle is the little dot above an “i”. Hence the term “every jot and tittle” meaning “every little thing”.

In case you’ve always dreamed of knowing what all the other bits of type are called, here you go. of such happy little facts is a creative person’s life made up. Pretty sad? Yup.

4. Human sperm travel about 7-10 inches an hour. Giddyup boys!

5. The sun is “20 years old”. Since it’s inception, it has traveled round the centre of our galaxy 20 times.

6. You are about 40% more likely to survive a plane crash in the back row of a plane than in the front row, according to a study in Popular Mechanics that investigate all plane smashes in the period 1971-2007. Wellthisiswhatithink could have predicted this: not many planes reverse into mountains in our experience.

Then again, you’ll have to sit for hours while an entire plane load of people empty their bladders just behind your head after they’ve enjoyed their breakfast, so we still think we prefer the big seats at the pointy end, thank you very much. We’ll take our chances.

Insert very impressive chart stolen from the interweb here. Pretend you know what it means.

Insert very impressive chart stolen from the interweb here. Pretend you know what it means.

7. OK, this is very cool. Worried about cell phone emissions? By the time you’ve read this paragraph, hundreds if not thousands of billions of neutrinos pouring out of the sun will have passed through you. Specifically 65 billion neutrinos pass through every square centimetre of you that is currently perpendicular to the Sun. Zap. Kapow. And stuff.

8. “Mother in Law” is a perfect anagram of “Hitler woman”. Cute, huh?

Horrid then. Horrid now. Trust us, boil your head in acid first, you'll have more fun.

Horrid then. Horrid now. Trust us, boil your head in acid first, you’ll have more fun.

Which leads me also (constantly mindful of the need to add value to our discourse, Dear Reader) to remind you that Fratton Park, home of the hated Portsmouth Football Club, is also an anagram of “Krap? Nottarf.”

Oh, how we laughed in those lazy hazy days of summer when they were relegated. Again.

And did you know “Here come dots” is an anagram of “The Morse Code”? Well, dash it, you do now.

9. Your average beef cow (about 200 kilos worth of usable meat) makes up about 4,500 McDonalds burgers. Doesn’t seem enough, really, does it? Poor thing.

The average iPhone in a case sold by the Chinese ladies on the stall at my local shopping centre weights 3.2 kilos.

The average iPhone in a case sold by the Chinese ladies on the stall at my local shopping centre weighs 3.2 kilos.

10. A 32Gb iPhone weighs about 0.000000000000000008 grams more when it’s hard drive is full as opposed to being empty. I mean, who needs to know that?

11. During his lifetime, an average male human will produce about 1,500 sperm a second. That’s enough to repopulate the earth more than 400 times at the current population level of about 7 billion. A woman, however, will produce only about 450 eggs to be fertilised in their lifetime.

Lift your game, girls. No wonder men spend so much time trying to work their way into the gene pool. The wastage figures are horrendous!

(This column is getting very sperm-y. Ed.)

12. OK, this has to be the best trivia contest question ever.

Which American was both Vice-President and President, but wasn’t elected to either position? Answer: Gerald Ford.

Surely the most remarkable thing Gerard Ford did in his lifetime was actually to lose to Jimmy Carter.

Surely the most remarkable thing Gerard Ford did in his lifetime was actually to lose to Jimmy Carter.

He replaced Spiro T Agnew as VP when he resigned for corruption, and then the ever-lovable Richard “Tricky Dicky” Nixon when he resigned for, well, for doing just about everything illegal a President could do really.

If you fancy another rider to the main question, you might care to note that Ford also lived longer than any other U.S. president, living 93 years and 165 days, while his 895-day presidency remains the shortest of all presidents who did not die in office.

13. If you search the word “askew” in Google, the browser results will actually tilt and be askew. Go on, try it, you know you want to. The same happens with “tilt”.

14. Oh, those crazy wacky student types. Have a look: standfordrejects.com cheerfully redirects you to … Berkeley.

15. So, that’s enough for today. Except: “Am I as bored as you are?” (Now try reading it backwards. Clever, huh?)

(Yes, that was fifteen. Roll on the weekend.)

It is always a matter of amazement to many that in the richest country in the world, so many live in grinding poverty, and many of those people are in work. Yet every move to raise the minimum wage for workers is met with howls of protest. (And not just in America: the syndrome is repeated everywhere.) But this pic illustrates how the public in America misunderstand what’s really at stake, as opposed to the populist bias against low paid workers.

Makes one think. no?

Makes one think. no?

In a general sense, it has always fascinated me how every rise in the standards for the poorest working people is invariably met with two canards from the politico-business community … “People will lose their jobs, employers wont be able to afford it!” and “the market should decide!”

Lloyd George and Churchill, then allies in the Liberal Party, shared a reforming zeal.

Lloyd George and Churchill, then allies in the Liberal Party, shared a reforming zeal.

Those were exactly the cries when David Lloyd George introduced the People’s Budget in the UK over a hundred years ago, and again when the UK brought in National Insurance … and you hear the same waffle today about Obamacare – not from those who will benefit, of course, but from those to whom it doesn’t matter, directed against those for whom it desperately does.

But time and again, when working people DO make an advance, people aren’t thrown out of work, businesses somehow keep making mega bucks, and we also know that left to its own devices the market invariably acts as if workers have no real rights or needs at all.

I think we need to seize back these debates in our own homes, around our own dinner tables, and with our friends and neighbours and work colleagues. In short, it’s time we recovered our decency.

We seem somehow to have lost, more’s the pity, the simple idea that it is the legitimate role of the state – acting collectively on our behalf – to support and empower the least powerful in our community, not with hand outs, but with hand ups. So they may look after their own, and so they may make a full-hearted contribution to our society and our economy. The most important hand up you can give anyone is a job, with a reasonable living wage.

I grew up as a member of the working poor, albeit in a nice neighbourhood of a genteel seaside town.

My father died when I was 2. Mum had little or no money put by, and worked long hours to ensure we had everything we needed. My older (adult) brother, who had fallen on his feet, topped up our household income, or we would have been in dire straights indeed.

From the age of 14, I never had a school holiday when I didn’t work. I wasn’t working for pocket money. I was working to make a genuine contribution to our household income. I was a part-time wage earner: my age was irrelevant.

Never asked for charity, nor yet social security. Just wanted a decent days pay for a decent day's work. When did we give up on that principle?

Never asked for charity, nor yet social security. Just wanted a decent day’s pay for a decent day’s work. When did we give up on that principle?

I delivered papers, got up at 4 am and worked as a relief postman, made what must have added up to millions of cups of tea in beach cafes, sold ice-creams in a booth that was five feet by six feet in which I worked an eight hour day sometimes in blistering heat, then changed my togs and toted baskets of prawns and cockles around pubs late at night, worked as a sous-chef (including on Christmas Day), and so on.

I never took one penny of social security money.

But then, as today, I was grateful for legislation that guaranteed that I was not working for slave wages, and for trade unions who loomed in the background like avenging angels, the very mention of which would ensure management would not seek to “put one over on us”.

And assuredly, sometimes those unions went too far, or were needlessly obstructive. But many times a local union rep was a decent fellow who had a fair working relationship with the local boss, and they would work things through in a good natured way, and those with no stake beyond their labour were thus de-marginalised, brought into the process, and consulted.

My mother proudly noted that we never took a cent from any other member of the family other than my brother, and there were plenty of Uncles who could have chucked in a few bob and never noticed.

“Everything you’ve got, we paid for.” she would say, with a steely glint in her eye. “Never forget, Son, love them all you want, like I do, but you owe them nothing.”

Concern about low pay led to an unprecedented call for fast food workers in the USA to strike on August 29

Concern about low pay led to an unprecedented call for fast food workers in the USA to strike on August 29

It was that sort of home. Even then, as a die-hard lifelong Conservative, she was nevertheless deeply grateful for the representation she received at work from her Union, believing that she paid her dues uncomplainingly and deserved good representation.

As right-wing as they came, she simply didn’t trust employers to do the right thing spontaneously out of the goodness of their hearts: my Mum was nothing if not a realist.

When Friedmanite economics and the new Right (backed by the new Left, who should have known better) swept away many of these protections – when we were all, suddenly, free market capitalists – we may well have made the world more efficient. But we also made it colder, and less humane. We lost something of ourselves.

We lost our decency. Collectively. And we should all stand up and say so.

Over 100 years ago, when he introduced the People’s Budget in 1909, Lloyd George said:

“This is a war Budget. It is for raising money to wage implacable warfare against poverty and squalidness. I cannot help hoping and believing that before this generation has passed away, we shall have advanced a great step towards that good time, when poverty, and the wretchedness and human degradation which always follows in its camp, will be as remote to the people of this country as the wolves which once infested its forests”.

As we schlep wearily into the last ten days of a general election campaign in Australia between two essentially identical right wing parties, that’s the type of stuff I want to hear from my political leaders, and leaders around the world.

Whatever happened to waging “implacable warfare against poverty and squalidness”, huh?

If you want to know what it’s like for a working adult male to try and live on or just above the minimum wage in America, click this link. Oh, and by the way? McDonalds made over $5.5 billion last year.

I was originally going to do these once a month, until they came flooding in so thick and fast that they just demand being published.

For today’s it’s All Hail the Mighty Target, (Australian branch), who, in an interesting wrinkle on recent controversies, (forgive the pun), are here found guilty of not air-brushing their models enough.

He’s very handy, this chap, isn’t he? Still, I expect he’s basically ‘armless.

How many can you count?

The catalogue page on the Target Australia website has now been corrected – luckily someone spotted it and got it out into the blogosphere first. And thank you to Caitlin for bringing it to my attention.

Somewhere inside Target is a little marketing assistant who won’t sit down for a week, not to mention his or her counterpart in the art department of the ad agency. “Such a drag, all that proof reading. I know: let’s go to the pub instead!”

And wait … those perfect families in catalogues aren’t real? Surely not!

The other Advertising F*** Ups we’ve spotted this year, if you missed ’em.

The world’s stupidest billboard placement: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-gX

Not the holiday anyone would really want: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-hJ

Stores abusing innocent shoppers: http://wp.me/p1LY0z-j8

My personal favourite so far, the most embarrassingly badly worded headline in history: http://tinyurl.com/7enukvd

And the most recent. Oh, those crazy whacky country McDonalds eaters: http://tinyurl.com/83vgpng

More soon, no doubt. Keep ’em coming people.