Well, This Is What I Think

Apparently, the Beckhams are only the world’s fourth highest earning celebrity couple, trailing in miserably far behind Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady (her supermodel, him American footballer for the New England Patriots). Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z trolled in second, (someone will tell me who he is, I suppose), with Brad and Angelina a mere third on the Forbes list. Rounding out the top five were Kristen “Why does everyone think I’m miserable?” Stewart – perhaps you’ve complained about the intrusion of fame just once too often to be credible, dearie? – and the adorably shy and tongue-tied Robert Pattinson, who both apparently scooped up about $20 mill each from staring breathlessly at each other.

I happen to think David Beckham seems to be a rather nice bloke, and Victoria seems a level-headed enough sort, but I can’t help but vomit a little into my mouth when I see these lists and what such people earn. I don’t resent their money, I just resent that people like psychiatric nurses, country postmen and paramedics don’t earn as much.

As a society, our value systems are shot, and that’s why objectionable little scrotums like the UK’s recent rioters think it’s OK to rip off fellow battlers when they get a chance. “It’s only fair, innit?” So there.

Meanwhile, a “rioter” in the UK has been sentenced to six months in jail for stealing two bottles of water from a shop which someone else had previously broken into.

This entirely proportionate and reasonable response will, of course, do everything to make these nasty little bastards respect the state and what it stands for even more.

Luckily, while him and his mates are inside (when they could, one supposes, be outside cleaning up the mess they’ve made) they will, at least, learn a trade.

Armed robbery, probably.