THANKS, FACEBOOK. I NEEDED THAT.
Now I get anxious when I look at pictures of babies on Facebook.
I do not understand. I think we should be told.
One minute they’re on the breast. Or gurgling cutely. Rolling on blankies,
eyes bigger than berries.
Next they’re pulling the wings off flies, beating up the kid down the street, and one in umpteen thousand turn into serial killers.
How do you tell? Why one and not the other?
You can’t really “Dislike”. A baby.
Can’t say, “Honest injun’
I reckon you’ve got a little nutter there.”
Don’t like the way he’s staring.
People will be upset. Understandably.
But not in Hawaii. Not so much.
Hardly any at all, in fact.
Must be all the Pina Coladas.
Hard to be all screwed up when a Pina Colada is just a
swim-up bar away.
You’re pretty safe in Hawaii.
Bad in Washington. Way bad.
Everyone has a 0.025% chance of being strangled – strangled, or shot
– most likely.
By a nutter. In Washington.
Maybe it’s the politics. CSPAN is driving all the babies mad
left watching TV, while Mum fixes breakfast.
But you probs won’t be dead by poison. That’s exaggerated.
Agatha Christie is responsible for a lot of misconceptions.
So if you’re sick after the lox and cream cheese bagel
it’s probably just the fish.
The fish has gone bad. Not the baby.
So now you know.