For no particular reason, Dear Reader, we felt inclined to share some of these brilliant gags with you today.
Maybe because it’s Friday.
Maybe because the world needs cheering up today.
Maybe because yesterday was our birthday and the love flowed all day and we had the day off, including discovering a fine New Zealand beer which is perfectly flavoured with coffee. Two of our favourite things in one.
You can find this astonishing tipple here, or head to SlowBeer in Richmond, Melbourne, and go for it.
Anyhow, Cooper was a master of paraprosdokians – where the second half of a sentence or phrase is completely unexpected – and silly one liners. Here are some of his best:
I went to a fortune teller and she looked at my hands. She said, ‘Your future looks pretty black.’ I said, ‘Are you kidding? I’ve still got my gloves on!
I said to the doctor, ‘It hurts when I do this’ [raises arm]. He said, ‘Well, don’t do it, then.’
I said to the chef, ‘Why have you got your hand in the alphabet soup?’ He said, ‘I’m grasping for words!’
My doctor told me to drink a bottle of wine after a hot bath, but I couldn’t even finish drinking the hot bath!
A drunk was driving his car down a one-way street when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, ‘Didn’t you see the arrows?’ He said, ‘Arrows? I didn’t even see the Indians.’
Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.
I took saxophone lessons for six months until I dislocated my jaw. How did I know I was supposed to blow in the small end?
You know what a racehorse is . . . it’s an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time
My wife said ‘Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet’. I said, ‘Chocolate fudge’.
I bought some pork chops and told the butcher to make them lean. He said, ‘Which way?’
I said to the doctor, ‘Can you give me something for my liver?’ He gave me a pound of onions.
I sleep like a baby . . I wake up screaming every morning around 3am.
I went to see my doctor and he said ‘I want you to lie down on the couch.’ I said, ‘What for?’ He said, ‘I want to sweep up.’
And perhaps our personal favourite:
I told the waiter, bring me a chicken. So he brought me a chicken. ‘Just a minute,’ I said, ‘It’s only got one leg. ‘It’s been in a fight.’ I said, ‘Well, bring me the winner.’
Happy Friday everyone!
PS Stick Paraprosdokian in the search box top left for lots more fun examples!