1. There’s just no point telling someone with whose political beliefs you disagree in a bunch of places in Southern Africa that they’re a Nazi.
In Swahili, it means “coconut”.
2. Never get in the water without checking for vending machines first.
You are four times as likely to be killed in the US by a vending machine than a shark. Vending machines kill 2.18 people compared to .6 of a person, per annum.
So the movie should have been called “Drawers” not “Jaws”, we guess.
3. A “tittle” isn’t a rude word, much as we like the word “tit” on this blog. (Use the search box and see why.) A tittle is the little dot above an “i”. Hence the term “every jot and tittle” meaning “every little thing”.
4. Human sperm travel about 7-10 inches an hour. Giddyup boys!
5. The sun is “20 years old”. Since it’s inception, it has traveled round the centre of our galaxy 20 times.
6. You are about 40% more likely to survive a plain crash in the back row of a plane than in the front row, according to a study in Popular Mechanics that investigate all plane smashes in the period 1971-2007. Wellthisiswhatithink could have predicted this: not many planes reverse into mountains in our experience.
Then again, you’ll have to sit for hours while an entire plane load of people empty their bladders just behind your head after they’ve enjoyed their breakfast, so we still think we prefer the big seats at the pointy end, thank you very much. We’ll take our chances.
7. OK, this is very cool. Worried about cell phone emissions? By the time you’ve read this paragraph, hundreds if not thousands of billions of neutrinos pouring out of the sun will have passed through you. Specifically 65 billion neutrinos pass through every square centimetre of you that is currently perpendicular to the Sun. Zap. Kapow. And stuff.
8. “Mother in Law” is a perfect anagram of “Hitler woman”. Cute, huh?
Which leads me also (constantly mindful of the need to add value to our discourse, Dear Reader) to remind you that Fratton Park, home of the hated Portsmouth Football Club, is also an anagram of “Krap? Nottarf.”
Oh, how we laughed in those lazy hazy days of summer when they were relegated. Again.
And did you know “Here come dots” is an anagram of “The Morse Code”? Well, dash it, you do now.
9. Your average beef cow (about 200 kilos worth of usable meat) makes up about 4,500 McDonalds burgers. Doesn’t seem enough, really, does it? Poor thing.
10. A 32Gb iPhone weighs about 0.000000000000000008 grams more when it’s hard drive is full as opposed to being empty. I mean, who needs to know that?
11. During his lifetime, an average male human will produce about 1,500 sperm a second. That’s enough to repopulate the earth more than 400 times at the current population level of about 7 billion. A woman, however, will produce only about 450 eggs to be fertilised in their lifetime.
Lift your game, girls. No wonder men spend so much time trying to work their way into the gene pool. The wastage figures are horrendous!
(This column is getting very sperm-y. Ed.)
12. OK, this has to be the best trivia contest question ever.
Which American was both Vice-President and President, but wasn’t elected to either position? Answer: Gerald Ford.
He replaced Spiro T Agnew as VP when he resigned for corruption, and then the ever-lovable Richard “Tricky Dicky” Nixon when he resigned for, well, for doing just about everything illegal a President could do really.
If you fancy another rider to the main question, you might care to note that Ford also lived longer than any other U.S. president, living 93 years and 165 days, while his 895-day presidency remains the shortest of all presidents who did not die in office.
13. If you search the word “askew” in Google, the browser results will actually tilt and be askew. Go on, try it, you know you want to. The same happens with “tilt”.
14. Oh, those crazy wacky student types. Have a look: standfordrejects.com cheerfully redirects you to … Berkeley.
15. So, that’s enough for today. Except: “Am I as bored you are?” (Now try reading it backwards. Clever, huh?)
(Yes, that was fifteen. Roll on the weekend.)