OK, now this IS the most un-intentionally funny headline of the year

Posted: September 5, 2013 in Popular Culture et al
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Oo-er. We are developing a ridiculous headlines meme despite ourselves, Dear Reader.

This one’s a cracker: with huge thanks to Bedfordshire On Sunday and Simon Titley who referred it to us.

Funny story, too.

Philip Milne

Philip Milne

‘Semi-erect’ OAP caught shampooing his genitals on a bus claims he’s ‘no hardened criminal’

A PENSIONER was caught shampooing his privates on a bus after becoming irritated with his underpants.

Philip Milne, 74, was travelling from Bletchley to Bedford when he began to have some issues with his briefs and unzipped his trousers to ‘use some shampoo to soothe his groin area’ because he did not have his ointment to hand.

He was spotted by a mother and son who ‘were chatting and heard there was something going on’ and turned around to have a look, Bedford Magistrates’ Court heard today (September 3).

Prosecuting Camille Gifford said: “In essence the defendant was masturbating while on the bus. He had his zip undone on his trousers and was rubbing his penis and his testicles.”

Milne, of Water Eaton Road, Bletchley, had earlier been to the swimming pool when he was found applying the hair-care product on August 13.

Ms Gifford added: “He said he had some issues with some briefs he was wearing and he was using ointment to soothe the area. He says he became irritated but didn’t have the ointment and instead used some shampoo to soothe his groin.

The mother notified the bus driver who then notified the police and Milne was told to stay on the back of the bus. He said he wasn’t masturbating and resented everyone else on the bus for ganging up on him.”

Milne, who admitted guilt to the one charge of an act of outraging public decency, represented himself in court. He said: “I’m not disputing what was done was wrong but bear in mind I thought I was being discreet.”

Milne, who was described as ‘semi-erect’ during the act, added: “I was treated like a hardened criminal.”

Magistrates fined him £75. He will also have to pay £85 court costs and a £20 victim surcharge adding up to a total of £180.

(Further comment superfluous – Ed.)

  1. Colin Haycock says:

    What a dick!

    Sent from my iPhone


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