Well, This Is What I Think

Swimmers warned of testicle-biting pacu fish

(From Yahoo – with a special thank you)

As if there wasn’t enough reason to avoid Sweden, where the women are usually exquisite but the men think their idea of a good time is to get drunk on cheap vodka, have a good cry, hit each other repeatedly with birch twigs in the sauna and then jump into the ocean in mid winter), now Swedish men are being cautioned against nude swimming – “Hold on a moment, Olaf, I need to put my budgie smugglers on” – after the local discovery of a South American fish notorious for biting human testicles.

The Natural History Museum of Denmark issued the warning after a local fisherman caught a pacu fish, a relative of the piranha, in an eel trap in the Oresund Sound off the country’s south coast.

“Keep your swimwear on if you’re bathing in the Sound these days – maybe there are more out there,” the museum’s somewhat laid back warning warning read.

According to Sweden’s The Local, this fun little critter – the “pacu” (a corruption, presumably, of fuck you) – is usually found in warmer waters and has a global reputation for biting human ‘bits’.

“The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off,’ Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Danish museum told The Local.

“They are almost identical to the piranha, you couldn’t even tell from the outside. It’s just that they have different teeth. Flatter and stronger, perfect for crushing,” he added, smiling.

Although pacu generally feast on nuts, (I kid you not, it’s in the press release) fruit and smaller fish, Carl called human testicles swimming in the water a ‘natural target’.

“They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth,” Carl explained.

(We are not going anywhere NEAR that comment, Ed.)

According to The Local, pacus have reportedly killed fisherman who bled to death after losing their testicles.

Mind you – although how they know this definitely is unclear – the museum noted that the pacu fish that was caught caused no harm to swimmers or fishermen.

Carl said the risk to other swimmers is minimal, too.

“No, there’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “You’re more likely to drown than get your nuts bitten off.” Reassuring,

“It could become a problem some time in the future if it’s not the only one. This one was the first, but who knows, it’s probably not the last,” he added.

Bollocks to that, if you’ll forgive the pun. We’re taking our holidays in Bridlington next year.