Comedian Tim Vine has cemented his reputation as king of the one-liners after he won the prize for joke of the year at the annual Lafta awards.
His gag – “Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes” – saw off competition from acts including Jimmy Carr and Paul Daniels, the magician.
It is not the first time that Mr Vine, who is the brother of BBC Radio 2 presenter Jeremy, has won prizes for his one-liners.
He won the award for the best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2010 with the line: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
Competition for the top prize at the Laftas came from surprising quarters.
Mr Daniels, who is better known for his card tricks than his stand-up comedy routines, was nominated for a joke about a well-known DIY store.
His joke was: “I said to this fella ‘Is there a B&Q in Henley?’ He said “No, there’s an H, an E, an N, and L and a Y’.”
Mr Vine also beat Jimmy Carr, the stand up comedian, who was nominated for: “I know a couple who get on like a house on fire. They both feel trapped and are slowly suffocating to death.”
Other nominees for the prize were Matt Kirshen and Sarah Millican.
Mr Kirshen, who co-wrote and starred in the BBC Radio 4 sketch comedy series Bigipedia, was entered for his joke: “I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
Meanwhile Ms Millican, who won the People’s Choice awards at last year’s British Comedy Awards, received her nomination for a joke about her mother.
“My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.”
Mr Vine set the world record for his quick-fire joke delivery in 2004. He was also runner-up in for the Edinburgh joke of the year last year with the line:
“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
What is your favourite all time one-liner, Dear Reader?
(With thanks to the Daily Telegraph in London)
Well, This Is What I Think 
How’s about this one:
“My girl friend always wears an American Bra – one yank and it’s off!
My favourite joke of all times is told by the late, great Tommy Cooper. it’s 4 lines and should never be extended or it looses it’s impact.
A man goes into a pet shop
he says I want buy a wasp
we don’t sell them
well, you’ve got one in the window!
cheers Bill
http://matteringsofmind.wordpress.com/
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Tommy Cooper – now THERE’S a good idea for a blog! I do a passable Tommy Cooper impression, actually.
My favourite Cooper joke is: “You couldn’t call my mother-in-law two faced. I mean, if she was, why would she choose that one?”
The man was a genius. Thanks for commenting!
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How about this cooper joke.
I found a painting and old violin in the attic. I took them down to the antique shop and the man said, you know what you’ve got there don’t you? No what have I got. Well, the man said, you’ve got a Rambrandt and Stradivarious(sp?). Is it worth anything? Nothing! Why not? I asked. Stradivarious couldn’t paint, and Rembrandt was awful on the violin.
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Joy, Bill, much joy. Not like this – like that. Thank you very much.
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“I went to the dentist the other day. He said “Sit down”. I sat down. I went in, I went out. I went in again. I went out again. I said to the dentist “What’s going on?” He said “Get out of the filing cabinet, Mr Cooper.”
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This blog is excellent and I love reading your posts. Keep up the great work!
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