Completely inappropriate, non-PC jokes about the wreck of the Costa Concordia. Er, sorry, and all that.

Posted: January 27, 2012 in Humour, Popular Culture et al
Tags: , , ,

The Costa Concordia

There is something fascinating about the speed with which our society throws up funny but embarrassing jokes about events in the news. They are often cruel, like the events that spawn them, but sometimes very funny in a sort of wince-inducing way – this sort of graveyard humour seems to be society’s defence against the awfulness of the subject matter.

No one can (or should) take any real joy at an event in which people lost their lives, let alone the financial cost and the trauma for survivors, but some of these bon mots are nevertheless fascinatingly amusing. I particularly enjoy the last one. (No, don’t skip ahead.)

We enjoy them like a guilty secret, passed with a snigger from email inbox to inbox. What a curious species we are, to be sure. Anyone else knowing any other good ones, or other pithy examples of the sub-genre, feel free to post them.

Or if you have any insight into why we follows this course, if you’ll pardon the near-pun, do please share your theory.

The jokes start here:

The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made by Churchill. After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean on an Italian cruise liner and some Italian journalists asked why an ex British Prime Minister should choose an Italian ship. “There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship” said Churchill. “First their cuisine is unsurpassed. Second their service is superb. And then, in time of emergency, there is none of this nonsense about women and children first”.

The Italian army has been called in to help with the people from the grounded cruise ship … but they have now swapped sides and declared war on the survivors.

Wife: “Can I drive?” Husband: “No, I’m fine”. Wife: “Oh please let me, I really want to”. Husband: “NO!” Wife: “Tell you what, if you let me drive just for a bit, when we get home I’ll have wild, uninhibited sex with you all night”. Husband: “Really??” Wife: “Promise!” Husband: “Oh, go on then”. “… and that, your Honour, is the final entry from the black box on the cruise ship Costa Concordia.”

What’s the difference between and Italian Cruise Liner and a Goat? The crew will go down on a goat.

When the captain of the ill-fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going, he replied “off course”.

Costa Concordia – the only cruise liner where the sauna is cold but the pool is at 90 degrees.

The captain of the Costa Concordia says he is not guilty of manslaughter and has witnesses to prove he was nowhere near the passengers who died.

The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi’s last hooker.

News reports say the stricken Costa Concordia first listed to the left, then to the right. Bloody Italians … even their ships don’t know which side to be on.

Italian Police are still interviewing the Korean honeymoon couple found on the Costa Concordia as to the whereabouts of the rescue dog that first found them.

Italian divers searching the stricken cruise ship have found two Scotsmen at the bar. They’ve told the divers to piss off, as all drinks are included in the fare.

Costa Concordia – where you are guaranteed to get your drink on the rocks.

Attention passengers, this is your captain. We of Carnival Cruise Lines Costa Concordia welcome you to Italy. If you look out the port side now you’ll see the beautiful Tuscan sky, and to our starboard, you’ll see the old Italian navy.

So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock … more than can be said for his ship.

Man phones the model shop and asks have you got a model of the Costa Concordia. “Yes sir, we have one left”. That’s very good. Can you put it on one side for me please?”

  1. John Kemplen says:

    I had to visit Zagreb on business in 1977, shortly after the mid-air collision caused by Zagreb ATC that killed 176 people. I was already scared of flying anyway, and have not flown since. My state of mind was not improved when a colleague told me about a disastrous crash involving a train entering Zagreb station in 1974, when 153 people were killed. The most popular joke in Zagreb at that time was of an announcement over the station public address system: “The train now arriving at platforms 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6…..”.


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