Snappy Answers … this year’s Top 5

Posted: November 8, 2011 in Popular Culture et al
Tags: , , , , , ,

Snappy Answers

Don’t you always wish you had the perfect riposte to someone’s idiotic or annoying question? I am indebted to my good friend, businessman and philanthropist Paul Wheelton, for his Top 5 list of snappy answers:


It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane.

“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row, buried in his newspaper.

“What are my choices?” the man asked, without looking up.

“Yes or no,” she replied.


A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworth’s store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her

She asked a passing assistant, “Do these Chickens get any bigger?”

The assistant replied patiently, “I’m afraid not, Madam. They’re dead.”


The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the Cop said, eyeing the reading on his speed camera.

The kid replied, “Well, I got here as fast as I could.” When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way with a telling off but without a ticket.


A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read “Low Bridge Ahead.”

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the
truck’s cab and said to the driver, “Got stuck, eh?”

The truck driver replied, “Nah, mate; I was just delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel …”


A teacher at West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final exam.

“Now listen to me, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence and order was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head gently and sweetly said:

“Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”


One of my favourite “actually heard” ripostes was on a pier in Melbourne. Asked “Did you catch that fish?” by a small boy, a weary angler murmured “No mate, I talked him into giving himself up.”

I am also reminded of a wonderful story told to me by a friend about his sister who was visiting New York for the first time. Coming out of a phone booth, she was confronted by a “gentleman” who in classic style open his coat to reveal his “half pound of giblets” hanging pominently out of his trousers.

Instead of screaming, the sister squinted and leaned forward, then chuckled to herself, smiled at the flasher and remarked:

“Oooh look … it looks just like a penis … only, somehow … smaller.”

All other smart-arse, snappy or just plain funny responses gratefully received 🙂

  1. gateway says:

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  2. Greg Mogg says:

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  3. thankyou………………the information on your blog is very useful


  4. Alla Mewbourn says:

    WONDERFUL post! Thank you!


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